Baggage & Relationships
June 29, 2010
All people have “Baggage” whether they admit it or not. It develops from layers of big and small hurts, disappointments, and even unmet expectations. At the foundation of it is the issue of trust—trust about faithfulness, commitment…
The way to get rid of “baggage” and develop trust in a relationship, or with someone new is by allowing yourself to be vulnerable. This requires you to take a risk and like all risky behaviors, there is a certain amount of fear involved. The level of fear will vary according to your baggage. For instance, the more afraid you are, the stronger YOUR baggage. By allowing yourself to be afraid, you are deliberately getting rid of your baggage.
Tips for How to Make Baggage go Away
- Accept the truth—you have baggage
- Stop blaming others for why relationships did not work
- Take a risk—expect to be afraid
Exercises to Reduce Baggage by Building Trust
Intimacy Gazing: To do this exercise, stand or sit no further than one foot apart while looking deeply into each other’s eyes for two minutes. To intensify the experience, hold hands. This exercise gives each other permission to be vulnerable to each other. Results: Increases rapid feelings of both liking and loving in both strangers and people you care about.
Biggest Fear: Doing an activity that terrifies you is one of the quickest ways to build trust and an instant strong bond with someone. Discuss what your biggest fear is, in terms of activities, and make plans to do the experience together (i.e. kayak in the ocean, sing in public). Allowing yourself to confront your fear with someone you care about is an easy way to toss your baggage aside and replacing it with trust.
Obesity and Divorce Divorce Expert
April 27, 2010
The correlation between an increase in divorce and being overweight does not exist, at least according to studies on marital quality and obesity.
According to Rauschenbach,* body weight is not associated with most aspects of marital quality. However, obese women were happier with their marriage, while obese men had marital problems. And in a nutshell, men who lost more weight tended to have fewer marital problems, and men and women who gained more weight were happier with their marriages.
Addistional References
*Sobal J, Rauschenbach B, Frongillo E. Obesity and marital quality: Analysis of weight, marital unhappiness, and marital problems in a U.S. national sample. Journal of Family Issues [serial online]. November 1995;16(6):746-764. Available from: PsycINFO, Ipswich, MA. Accessed April 25, 2010.
Ledyard M. The meaning of weight in marriage [e-book]. US: ProQuest Information & Learning; 2004. Available from: PsycINFO, Ipswich, MA. Accessed April 25, 2010.
Information on "hip-to-waist" ratio, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waist-hip_ratio
Divorce Your Wife, Not Your Life!
Take Control! Prepare Now! Save Money Later!
March 30, 2010
FOX 5 MORNING NEWS SEGMENT (On left side, click "Search Videos" then "Morning News." Video is titled, "Divorce Tips for Men.")
Thinking about divorce? Before you do anything, you need to strategize a plan. Let knowlege be your weapon. It is crucial that you learn the financial, legal, and personal ramifications to be prepared for.
Did you know that in 85 percent of divorces, it is the wife who initiates the process? If this describes your situation, it's even more important for you to take action. It's never too late to learn how to get a fair Marital Settlement Agreement. Get correct information from professionals who know divorce. More
Pet Visitation & Custody Arrangements
FOX 5 MORNING NEWS SEGMENT (On left side, click "search videos." Video is titled, "Settling Pet Custody after Divorce.")
By Nancy Fagan, www.TheDivorceHelpClinic.com
More than half of all marriages end in divorce, and, aside from child custody battles, few decisions can be tougher than determining the custody of the family pet. The process of deciding what happens “Wags” or “Pal” does not have to be heart-wrenching if you follow the following four tips to avoid tearing the family pet in half.
One: Don’t Leave the Decision up to the Court
As silly as it may sound, working out the visitation and custody arrangements for your pet is crucial. It’s actually very common, yet one area people don’t put a lot of thought into until problems arise later on. During divorce discussions, the details of all family members must be thoroughly discussed. This includes the details surrounding “Fido.” If you cannot come to an understanding regarding your pet, then using a neutral mediator to help you decide is the smartest thing to do. If not, you could end up in court with a judge deciding the fate of your furry loved one.
Two: Don’t Let your Pet Get in the Middle of your Battles
As wrong as it is, children are and pets are sometimes used as pawns to hurt each other in a heated divorce. It only takes one person to start the “game” and, also only one person to put a stop to it. By drawing up an agreement about your pet that gets included in your marital settlement agreement, your choices become legally binding and must be honored.
Three: What is in the Best Interest of your Pet
When it comes to pet custody cases, there is a lot of irrational emotion involved. Disagreeing couples need to do what’s best for the pet. Each person needs to ask pet-focused questions such as, “Where will the pet be the most happy?” or “Who has the time to play, walk, care for the pet.” By answering questions like these, the pet’s well-being will come through and a mutually acceptable solution will easier to reach.
Four: Pets Have Feelings Too
Just because your pets can’t talk or cry does not mean they don’t feel emotion. In fact, they are sensitive to the mood of the family living in the home. For instance, fighting in their presence will cause them to withdrawal and feel depressed. Remember, if you are feeling sad, your pet is also feeling upset. As a rule of thumb, give your pets as much comfort and affection as possible. This will comfort you as well.
Recommended Reading
- The Dog Bible: Everything Your Dog Wants You To Know, by Tracie Hotchner
- The Cat Bible: Everything Your Cat Expects You To Know, by Tracie Hotchner
- Pet Custody issues are covered in some detail by the Animal Legal Defense Fund, www.aldf.org.
FANCY DOG TREATS WERE PROVIDED BY "DIRTY DOGS" A PET WASH AND BOUTIQUE, http://www.dirtydogsandiego.com
Considering Divorce? You Need an Exit Plan!
By Nancy Fagan, www.TheDivorceHelpClinic.com
If you’re considering leaving your spouse, you need a solid exit plan. More than fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. And if that isn’t bad enough, women are the hardest hit as a result. In fact, most women are in a worse place financially after it’s all said and done. With this said, you don’t have to become a statistic. You have the power to come out ahead if you have a good plan of action.
Pre-divorce planning is not about taking your spouse for all you can. It’s about making smart choices with a clear mind. It involves carefully planning out all aspects of your life from where you are now to where you would like to be. It requires methodical preparation in the months leading up to informing your spouse you want a divorce. The more you plan, the better your position will be in your post-divorce life. Below are a few areas to start thinking about.
Finances: If you’re expecting alimony and child support to take care of your finances after a divorce, you might be in for a big surprise. Most men will fight to keep as much money as they can. This battle can result in you having a shortage of money to make ends meet after your divorce.
Career: The best way to avoid financial ruin is to make your career plans a top priority. If you’re already working but your income won’t be enough when you’re single, start re-planning your career. If that involves career counseling, re-training or going back to school, do it now while you can. Any money spent in this area will be considered joint money and not deducted from your settlement. The key, however, is doing it before you ask for a divorce.
Children: If you’re a parent, you need to be prepared for how to tell your kids about the divorce. In doing so, you also need to learn ways to help them cope and to understand how their lives will be impacted.
Support System: News of a divorce can create different reactions in your friends and family. Some people will feel threatened and fear their marriages will be at risk if they interact with you. Others, the unconditional friends, will be there no matter what. Knowing who belongs in this category is important. Those will be the people to turn to when you need a shoulder to cry on.
Future Goals: Divorce can be devastating. It’s the end of once-held goals that are now gone. Because of this, it’s very easy to get sucked into an emotional black hole of depression. The best remedy is to create new goals for your future. Take the time to consider your interests, desires and what you’d like to do with the rest of your life. Having something positive and productive to work toward will make a big difference in your emotional life.
There are many aspects to consider when planning for a life without your spouse. Instead of hoping the best will happen, take control and make sure you’re protected. If you need help making sense of it all, the Divorce Help Clinic is here for your.
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